We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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