Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize