apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
