if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
