I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
