Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He did a backflip because drugs
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