What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
