I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize