he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
