so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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