I think im going to throw up on grandma
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
porn star boner night. come get it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
