dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
