Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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