Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
