Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
