You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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