2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
