Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
FUCK WHALES
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize