So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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