Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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