I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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