i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
