I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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