what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
