Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
