There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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