I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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