JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
