you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
