Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
