i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize