what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
