I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you made out with another girl for some wings
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
