Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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