I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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