I'm jealous of your bromance
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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