I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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