I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
