a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
