I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
