threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
