I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize