She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
