I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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