...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
