Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
