sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
