You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
