He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The power of my boobs compel you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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