Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
