Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
