I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
