Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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