we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
