A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
