So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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