I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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