just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
