Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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